The Decision

Maan and I have been passing through the thought of getting married from time to time. It’s a given. We’re in a relationship, wherelse could we go?

For the women out there who are in a serious relationship, who think that their boyfriends do not want to get married despite your ever-so-obvious hints, here’s a little secret: we also do. Why the hell should we be still in the relationship if we do not want you to be our ONE?

All those beating around the bush bullshit that we do whenever marriage talks and future family plans come up happens only because of two reasons: 1) we think that we’re still not ready (emotionally, mentally, and most especially, financially) or 2) we just don’t talk about baby names and wedding themes, period. It’s not that we’re not in the same page. It’s not that we don’t like you. It’s because the thought of getting married is really (and plainly) just so scary for us. And the moment we start to overcome this fear is the moment that we think: “So how do I propose?”

For me, a proposal should be a celebration of the cherished relationship — a reminder for the couple of how hard you’ve both loved being together. It should be beautiful and unique, not necessarily grandiose and public, but more importantly, it should be personal. It should reflect how you are as a couple. And one thing is a definite must: it should be P-E-R-F-E-C-T.

Maybe that’s why many grooms-to-be have THE JITTERS on the day of the proposal. It’s not really because of the fear of being rejected. (I tell you, sigurista lahat ng lalaki, haha). I mean, who would want to propose and get rejected right? Of course you’ll pick the right timing. You’ll know it. But the jitters is more from the fear of something might go wrong.

Men are calculating creatures. If something doesn’t go the way as we planned, we panic (and then quickly find a solution, or an alibi, haha). Especially on the day that you’ll express all your feelings and emotions and propose a lifelong commitment to the woman that you love…DISASTER.

But as we always do, we man up, and just. do. it.

Because Maan and I have been together for long time, friends were ALWAYS asking when is the big day. I would jokingly tell them, “‘Pag nagkapera na ako!” which is actually true. At the end of internship, I had NO personal money. Why would I even think of getting married if I don’t have my own money? So as residency started, I told myself that the only time that I’ll be ready to propose is when I’m able to afford a decent engagement ring.

This of course did not come quickly, especially with the meager salary that we get as resident physicians in a government hospital. As a first year surgery resident, I literally spent half of my salary paying for OR needs, diagnostics and medications of our patients. Sad, but real. I only was able to save during my last months of first year and the first quarter of second year, finally reaching my goal around April. And since May was coming soon, I thought it would be great to propose on our anniversary. I was ready.

This post is actually divided into 6 parts. Read the rest of the other parts here:

4 thoughts on “The Decision

  1. Pingback: The Proposal | Toxicity and Beyond

  2. Pingback: The Backstory | Toxicity and Beyond

  3. Pingback: The Ring | Toxicity and Beyond

  4. Pingback: The Venue | Toxicity and Beyond

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